Back to Tarsus IV
by T'Kerstin
Summary: Jim has to go back. Slash and a bit of violence inside


**Back to Tarsus IV**

"Jim, I'm sorry, but I must send you to the colony of Tarsus IV. There have been reports recently that someone took it back online, and there are several children reported missing," said the Admiral.

All Jim could do for a few minutes was just stare at him and do his best not to cry out in desperation. He didn't want to go back. He couldn't. And yet he would have to.

"Is there no other ship in the area, that could go there? I have a survivor of Tarsus IV in my ship." That was true enough. Riley had been there, too. Being two years younger he didn't remember much, but going to Tarsus IV would definitely remind him of a thing or two.

"I'm afraid not. Tell your crewmember to stay on board and he should be fine. Should anything occur, let McCoy deal with him. He had some psychiatric courses at Medical School and has had more training to deal with traumatic patients than most CMOs of the fleet."

With that, the Admiral ended the call. Jim slowly breathed in and out, before he was able to inform his crew about the change of course.

oOo

He never thought he'd have to go back to that place. And yet there he was. Standing on Tarsus IV. _I'm just glad that nobody knows I've been here before._ he thought.  
"Captain, we are ready to investigate if there is any indication of the group who has kidnapped the children." It was Spock who pulled him out of his thoughts. He always did.  
"Right. Go ahead. I'll be there in a minute." he answered.  
He waited until everyone was inside until he slowly followed, dreading what he might find inside the building. Even after all these years he still was afraid of this place and knew that he was the first (and probably last) survivor who had returned. When he had received the orders to track down some kidnappers on Tarsus IV he had thought to fall back into the nightmare he had hoped he had escaped years ago. They've been children, too, when they were starved on Tarsus IV and now the same thing was happening again? It was almost was too much to bare. The one behind this had to be someone either ignorant of the history of this place or fully aware of it and thus logically had chosen the place on purpose.

As he walked into the building he could see that someone had come back. The place was tidier than he had ever seen it. None of the others seemed to notice that. But how could they? The only thing they had ever heard about Tarsus IV was what was common knowledge and that wasn't half of what had really happened. Everything else was classified to protect the survivors. To make sure they could lead a normal life. If you could call being the captain of a starship a normal life.  
"Jim! Someone's coming." McCoy sounded surprised.  
He went over to the others to see who it was, that was coming. They didn't have to wait long. An older man was coming, and seemed vaguely familiar to him, but Jim didn't know where he had met the man before.  
"I am surprised they sent you to investigate, Jimmy." said the man, and suddenly Jim knew who it was in front of him.  
"Kodos. So you aren't dead after all. I should have known. A man who commits genocide doesn't just die." He could feel Spock and McCoy looking at him, surprised how he had known who that man was, and knew that at least Bones could hear that he wasn't as confident as he sounded. But neither of them spoke a word. And he was grateful for it.  
"Funny, even you believed I am dead. My deception worked. But I'm not here to make small talk. I have a suggestion to make: I will leave your ship alone when you stay here or I will destroy you all. You know I can do it." Kodos looked at Jim, like he knew exactly what Jim's decision was going to be and McCoy didn't like that. He didn't like that at all. But all he knew was, that Jim had met someone from his past. And Jim never talked about his past. McCoy had always wondered, why. Seeing this man, he slowly realized, why. He also realized that Jim's childhood must have been worse than he had imagined from the little Jim had told him.  
It took all Jim's self control not to just run away, and hide somewhere. Instead, he went to Kodos and said: "You know me. What do you think? Meet me tomorrow morning. I have to arrange some things first."  
Kodos nodded and went away. Jim called all officers to him to be beamed up. Once on the Enterprise he went straight to his quarters to have a moment for himself. But Spock and McCoy followed him.  
McCoy knew his friend well enough to know (or to guess) what he was planning to do. He went into Jim's quarters to persuade him to not do that. Not that he had much hope of succeeding. Jim was stubborn, and when he had once made up his mind he stuck to it. No matter what McCoy said. The only one who had a chance of changing Jim's mind was Spock, who had joined him. McCoy guessed that the two of them had some sort of understanding between them that he just couldn't grasp. The only thing he did know was, that Jim was Spock's best friend, even if the Vulcan would never say that openly.  
"Jim! Are you going to do what I think, you're doing? You can't get down there. I don't know everything that happened on Tarsus IV but I know that man is dangerous." He wanted to say more but shut up as he saw the look on his best friend's face.  
"I think he does know how dangerous that man is, and wants to save the entire crew, Doctor. What I would like to know is, why you know him." answered Spock when it became clear that Jim wouldn't answer McCoy.  
"You don't have to know anything that happened here all those years ago. I know how dangerous he is. And that is why I have to go. Please, Bones, understand that. As long as I am down there you'll be in command of the Enterprise, Mr. Spock. Find out what you can about why Kodos is back on Tarsus IV and take the appropriate steps. Don't hail me. I Don't think it will be save to do so. Bones, show him the same loyalty you always show me. And now, leave me alone, please." He dismissed them, and was left alone in his quarters, knowing that he most likely couldn't survive Tarsus IV a second time. It hurt to leave his friends behind but he had to save them, the crew and his ship at all cost.  
After a short while he sneaked out of his room to the transporter room to beam down immediately. He didn't want Goodbyes and when they discovered someone's beamed down it would be too late. Then he was on his own and he would make sure that Kodos really faced justice this time.  
To really make sure they didn't try to communicate with him he left his communicator in his room. When it would be save to contact them he would find a way on Tarsus IV. Not that he had much hope that he would survive long enough to do that.

oOo

Meanwhile on the bridge of the _Enterprise_ Mr. Sulu discovered that a light was blinking: "Mister Spock, someone just beamed down to Tarsus IV."  
Spock turned his head, and knew immediately who had beamed down. He left the bridge in the care of Mr. Sulu, and went to Sickbay to ask Doctor McCoy if he knew something about the Captain's plans.  
"Doctor. Did you know that the Captain planned to beam down before the morning?" he asked him when they were alone in his quarters.  
"He what?" asked McCoy.  
"That is unfortunate. But before we do anything I have to know everything about Tarsus IV. Do you happen to know anything?"  
"I only know the medical records. Nine people survived the genocide. All of them were traumatized. But I don't know where they are now. I just hope they managed to have a normal life," answered McCoy.  
"And Kodos was killed on the day, the Federation came to Tarsus IV. Or so everybody believed. I think they might have been mistaken, and Kodos has now returned to Tarsus IV to finish what he has begun."  
"And you base your assumption on the fact that Jim called the man Kodos? How would he know that? He can only have seen some pictures of him, which are 15, or so, years old. That's not much, Spock," answered McCoy.  
"I am aware of that. But I am also aware that Captain Kirk might have some information that we don't have. He received the order to go here encoded, and in his quarters. We do not know what the Admiral has told him," answered Spock.  
"We better find that information then." said McCoy. "Computer, give me every information about Tarsus IV."  
Spock didn't think that the Doctor would have much success, but to his surprise a short time later they had every information they needed on the screen. It was a video file where a Starfleet Admiral talked about what he had found on Tarsus IV.  
"We found nine survivors. Each of them is almost starved to death. The oldest among them is about 15 years old. From what we got out of Kodos before he died in an explosion, it was this one who tried to fight back, and escape. Therefore the boy was punished the most. He is alive, but in worse shape than the rest of them. We can't tell yet, what psychological damage all them may have but they are treated with everything the modern medicine can give them."  
McCoy looked at the pictures in front of them: "It's a miracle they survived. I wouldn't have thought it possible that people so malnourished can survive. They must have been incredibly strong."  
Spock nodded: "They still are. Whatever they are doing now, it is hard to live a normal life. I do not understand how they could believe that Kodos is dead when nobody could identify the corpse. Even the 15 year-old, who knew him best, could not tell for sure."  
"The names of the survivors are classified, and may only be known to Starfleet Captains, and their first Officers, should they ever have to go to Tarsus IV. Which I don't wish to happen." That was the end of the file.  
Spock told his name and rank and soon had access to a short audio file with names. But there were only eight names. The name of the oldest was not in the file, and it was only said that he was released soon after the rescue, and was believed to lead a normal life somewhere on earth.  
"That's odd. You might think he suffered most. To be so young, and still fight back? Nobody could come out of this, and stay normal. The others were too young to remember much of what had happened to them but that one? He was almost grown up," was McCoy's comment. Spock had to admit that the doctor might be right.  
He looked at the picture of the 15year old who remembered him of someone, but he couldn't remember of whom. Which was odd, as he usually never forgot a face he had seen. But he supposed as the person on the picture was unlikely to look that way after 15 years had passed by that this was excusable in this case.  
"Mr. Spock, does he look familiar to you? I have the strange feeling I know that guy but how could I? I've never met any of the survivors of Tarsus IV."  
"He does. But I have not met any of them, either, Doctor. Be that as it may, this is not a mystery we can solve now, and we have a more pressing problem at hand. We have to get our Captain back."  
McCoy nodded. He was worried about Jim. It was always the same: he beamed down somewhere, came back hurt, and it was on him to fix him back up again. It was better when Spock went with him, because he seemed to be able to keep Jim out of the worst of trouble. _How does he do that anyway?_ he thought and wasn't sure if he should be jealous that Spock could do something he couldn't or grateful that there was one person in the Universe who had enough influence on Jim to keep him out of the worst of trouble most of the time.  
After Spock had left Jim's quarters he went into his own to be alone for a while before he had to be on the bridge again. Despite his tries to do different his thoughts were about Jim and what he would have to endure on that planet below them. He was more concerned than seemed logical to him but couldn't help that, either. He was sure Doctor McCoy could have helped him but he didn't want to tell him something so personal. He was sure this would go away when he would have time to meditate after his shift, though.  
Satisfied, he went back to the bridge to make a few scans of the planet. Maybe they could help Jim from the ship. Not that he thought that very likely.

oOo

When Jim materialized in Tarsus IV Kodos was already waiting for him. He smiled while two men grabbed him, and brought him to an office. Kodos followed them, and took seat in front of a desk. Jim was pushed to his knees. It didn't help that he knew Kodos just wanted to humiliate him. He knew he wasn't the helpless, lonely teenager anymore but a Starship Captain who had fought against Nero and Khan, both much more dangerous. In that moment he felt like he was the teenager again who didn't know what had happened to him and who had felt like the one nobody wanted his whole life.  
"I knew that you would come earlier. You still think the same way you did 15 years ago, and you still hope that you can keep those you love save when you sacrifice yourself. You were the only one who tried to help the weak ones. I am curious if you still do that. Bring him to his cell. I'll find him a task later."  
At first he thought he was alone in his cell but then he saw a young boy in the corner farthest away from the door.  
"Hello. Who are you?"  
The boy didn't answer but came to him. He looked at Jim and finally said: "I'm sorry you have to live with a disabled person like me."  
Jim stared at the boy. He couldn't see anything unusual about the boy. Seeing his confusion the boy showed him a pair of pointy ears who had been hidden under his long hair.  
"Well. You are in no way disabled. I think you are either Vulcan or Romulan. Where do you come from?" Jim tried hard not to smile. The boy could misunderstand a gesture like that. At the same time he was wondering how long that boy had already been imprisoned. _Nobody forgets his heritage that easily._  
"I think my home planet was destroyed by a man named Nero." answered the boy.  
"Vulcan, then. You're lucky that I have already met Vulcans. Let me tell you something: You are perfectly normal for one of your species. What do you know about Vulcan culture?" Jim was happy he had something to keep focused, to help him think of something else than Kodos.  
"How long do you live here?" he asked him again when the boy didn't answer.  
"Long enough. I remember a hot planet. My parents didn't show emotions like the rest of the children here."  
Jim smiled: "That's the way you Vulcans are. You don't show emotions and act purely on logic."  
The boy asked him if he could teach him that.  
"I'm not sure if I'm the right person to do that. My first Officer always tells me I'm the most illogical person he's ever met. But you are touch-telepaths. Have you ever done a mind meld?" Jim asked, just remembering his own mind-meld with the old Spock on Delta Vega.  
"I saw my father do it, but he said I should do it on my tenth birthday which would be today, I think. As far as I can remember, every Vulcan does his first mind meld on his tenth Birthday. Except me." Being used to Vulcans Jim could tell that boy was sad and even a little ashamed that he couldn't do his first mind-meld on his tenth birthday. But Jim was still amazed by the fact that the boy still knew what day it was. _Trust a Vulcan to remember everything that has to do with numbers of any kind. _ he thought. He was missing Spock more, and more, and couldn't explain, why.  
"Well, you could try on me. I've done one with a Vulcan, and can show you where to put your hands. But you'll have to do the rest yourself," Jim offered, and had no idea in what danger he put himself. The first mind-meld was usually always accompanied by a healer to prevent brain damage. Jim didn't know that, of course. But even if he had known that, he wouldn't have cared about it. All he could think of, was the box who needed his help.

The boy put his hands on Jim's face, and began the mind-meld. It was different than the one with the old Spock but he could show the boy his memories of Spock and the other Vulcans he had seen, and finally convince the boy that he was completely normal. The boy had difficulties with ending the mind-meld, what left Jim with a head-ache, but the boy seemed much more self-confident. That alone was worth any inconvenience Jim was experiencing. He had learned the hard way that a content Vulcan was much better to live with than a Vulcan in a bad mood. Not that he was expecting the boy to choke him like Spock had done all those weeks ago.  
In that moment Kodos entered the cell, and Jim went to him.  
"I found you a place in the mines. You always liked them, did you not?"  
Jim looked at him, knowing that it wasn't likely to survive the mines a second time. The first time had been close enough. And that was probably the reason why he was sent there. Kodos wanted to get rid of his most dangerous witness. Jim was the only one believable left of the nine survivors. The rest of them was still half mad but he and Riley, who had never seen Kodos, had made it into Starfleet and fought off Nero and Khan. People would believe him if he said that he'd seen Kodos alive.

oOo

Working in the mines was hell. But he had expected that. What he hadn't expected was, that Kodos was starving him all over again. Jim did barely get enough food to survive, or so he hoped. What he was sure about was the fact that he would have to deal with eating disorders again when he got back to the _Enterprise._ The first few months after he had returned to Iowa, he hadn't eaten in days, and then two much at once, what left him guilty of having eaten too much. But everyone of the nine survivors had had to deal with that kind of thing. Some more, and some less severe. Jim didn't dare to think what could happen to him, now that he was in the same situation all over again. Chances were, that his eating disorders would be getting worse than the last time. _And Bones is worrying about my eating habits enough as it is now._

Two days later he saw the vulcan boy again, who was also forced to work in the mines. The boy came to him and said: "They say I am to work with you and have to do as you say."  
Jim nodded: "I will only tell you this: Stay alive." He was still having a headache but that wasn't their most pressing problem. Life was hard and they were getting almost nothing to eat. On top of it all he now had responsibility for a vulcan child. A child of an endangered species. He would do anything to keep him alive. _Why am I suddenly so attached to Vulcans? The time working with Spock clearly left a mark on me._ he thought a bit confused. But survival for both of them wouldn't be easy. Luckily, most of the other workers in the mine were still children, and weren't likely to pose a threat to him. But Kodos was unpredictable. Even he couldn't tell, what that guy was doing next to make life more difficult for them.  
Nothing happened the next days, weeks, or months. Jim lost count of how many days he already was on that godforsaken planet. He worked side by side with the Vulcan boy, gave him as much food as he could (when they were given food that was). The only thing that mattered to him, was getting the boy out of this mess as unscarred as he could manage. But given the fact that Vulcans were tought, he thought that his chances of succeeding were good. Then one day he found a communicator, not unlike the one they had on the _Enterprise_. It was difficult to get the communicator to work, because he was working with a different language, but hey, he had always been good with electronic devices. After a few tries he worked out the system of the communicator, and found a channel the Enterprise would pick night he gave it to the boy: "There. Send a distress signal, and they will beam you out. You will be save there. I have good people on that ship."  
The boy tried to argue him out of it but Jim had had too much discussions with a grown up Vulcan to let a vulcan boy talk him out of anything.

It worked, and as he watched the boy disappear he knew he could finally work on his own escape, and make Kodos pay for what he had done this times as well as for what Kodos had done all those years ago. This time he would make sure that Kodos wouldn't find a way out of it again. Or die trying. But with the boy gone he had nothing now to distract him from the fact that he was stranded on Tarsus IV a second time. Suddenly he heard someone coming into the room asking for the boy and when they didn't find him, someone said: "So he freed him. Let's take him to Kodos. He won't like that at all." But Jim almost didn't mind that they would torture him or put him into the most dangerous mines with no food at all.

"Jim, Jim, Jim. You never stop making trouble, do you?" Kodos asked him, shaking his head.

"Not, when I can save an innocent boy from your hands. You killed enough people already. I won't let you kill more."

"We'll see about that." then he turned to his men: "You know where to put him."

The last thing Jim saw of Kodos was his smile. That smile, that told him, that he didn't have any chance of getting out of it alive. But Jim Kirk would be Jim Kirk if he would go down without a fight.  
A short time later Jim had been transported to the most dangerous mines, meeting someone he didn't expect. The first one to approach him was his brother Sam: "I thought, you'd be smarter than getting yourself stranded here for a second time."  
"And I thought you'd be smarter than to work for a mass murderer." Jim answered. He saw at once that his brother was too well fed to be a prisoner of the mines. Everyone who had been on Tarsus IV could have seen that. Not Sam, though, because he looked confused. Kodos, who had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, looked like he had never had so much fun in his life. To Jim's relief his communicator started beeping at that moment, which meant that Kodos had to leave them. But he gave Sam a cheerful smile before he left. Jim didn't like that at all. It almost looked like Sam was Kodos' favorite.

"Be careful. You are the one nobody likes. Not me. And I am the one holding a weapon at you. You don't stand a chance." Sam warned him.  
"I am the one with a starship at my command. My crew will do everything to get me back. And you don't want to be on the wrong side when they arrive. I can tell you. So stop that bullshit, and help me. I didn't fight off Nero and Khan to get stopped from my own brother." _Even if said brother has gone mad._  
He didn't have a chance to say more because something hit him on the head, and everything went black.

oOo

Spock sat on the Captain's chair, wondering what he could do to get Jim out of the hell he'd gotten himself into. He had tried to contact his older counterpart but without success. McCoy had been no help either. He was still angry that Jim had left without telling him, what he was about to do. Spock knew that McCoy only was angry because he worried about Jim, even if McCoy never admitted it to Spock.  
"Mr. Spock, I'm receiving a distress signal from Tarsus IV."  
"Thank you, Uhura. Mr. Scott, lock onto the signal and beam him up." Spock was already on his way to the transporter room. McCoy joined him, a smile on his face: "That's Jim. I know it."  
"You cannot know that, Doctor. All we have is a distress Signal."  
Spock should be proven right, because when the two of them reached the Transporter room, Jim wasn't on the platform. Only a vulcan child who walked straight up to Spock: "I guess you are the Vulcan Officer he talked about. I have much to tell you."  
Spock stared at the boy. That was the last thing he had expected. But as the boy obviously had met Jim he just nodded in confirmation. To the doctor he said: "Please give us a private room to talk. You can come with us, if you want." McCoy nodded and went to his office: "Here. That's the most private room on this ship. Just don't go too hard on him. That boy's had a rough time."  
But the boy appeared to be much stronger than he looked, and Jim seemed to have protected him from as much harm as he could. He even had taught the boy to do a mind-meld, though Spock had no idea how he could have done that. It was no surprise for him that Jim had practically ordered the boy to get beamed up instead of himself. That was so much like Jim that it almost hurt Spock to think about the things Kodos would do to him when they would discover that the boy was gone.  
After the boy had told everything he knew a nurse took him with her that Spock and the doctor could talk in quiet.  
"I don't like the sound of it." said McCoy.  
"Me neither. A mind meld with an inexperienced can be dangerous. That is why there is always a healer present when a child learns a mind meld. Jim could have a headache or worse. I wonder how he knew what to do? I never melded with him. Why did he protect that boy?"  
Spock didn't expect any answers but he was surprised when he got one: " Wow! I never heard you asking so many questions at once. But to answer a few of them. I think the boy reminded him of you a bit or maybe he was just happy to distract himself from the whole situation. As for the meld. I think he melded with someone on Delta Vega. He wouldn't tell me, who, but that someone helped him to get back on the Enterprise."  
Spock nodded. He knew who Jim had met on that planet but he wouldn't tell McCoy either. But that explained how Jim knew how a mind meld worked in theory. But the more pressing problem was now to get him out of that colony as soon as possible, because Kodos wouldn't take it lightly that Jim had helped someone to escape.  
He thought about it while going to the bridge, his mind still on Kodos. He worried about Jim. That was such an illogical behavior that he thought about going to his quarters to mediate but he couldn't leave his duty in a time of need. The _Enterprise_ couldn't lose her first Officer, too.  
"Mr Spock. I have another call from Starfleet Command. You better come to the bridge." came Uhuras voice again.  
Spock almost was on the bridge already, and hurried a little more. Lt. Uhura had sounded as if Starfleet had an urgent matter to discuss. As soon as he entered the bridge he ordered Uhura to put Starfleet Command on Screen: "Mr Spock. We have a distress call from the starbase near the former colony of Tarsus IV. Apparently several children have been kidnapped. Your mission is to investigate what has happened there."  
"Understood. We are on our way. Spock out."  
"On our way to where?" asked McCoy who stood suddenly behind Spock. Spock noticed that he had picked up this habit recently. It annoyed him, but he understood why McCoy behaved the way it did. He just wanted to make sure his best friend was alive. The encounter with Khan had left its scars on each of them. McCoy probably was the one who had suffered most, as he had been the one who had proven to be a miracle worker and brought Jim back to life. None of them knew, how Jim himself was coping with the whole incident. He didn't talk about it. At all. And that worried Spock. It wasn't good for humans to suppress their feelings.  
Spock ignored him and gave Sulu orders to change course. And leave their Captain behind.  
"Spock! You can't do that. What about Jim?"  
"I have no choice in the matter, Doctor. I am under direct orders from Starfleet Command. On a starbase nearby several children have been kidnapped and we have to investigate what has happened."  
"Sounds like they have been brought here. Why don't we just stay here and investigate here?"  
"What you say sounds likely but we do not know that. As they are expecting our arrival we have to go there. And Jim is not likely to go anywhere the next few days."  
McCoy gave him an angry look and returned to Sickbay. He muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "That coldblooded Hobgoblin" but Spock decided to ignore it as McCoy was already out of the door anyway.  
_I am as worried as you, doctor._ Spock thought as he sat on the captain's chair. _If it were my choice I would beam down to Tarsus IV and get Jim out of there. But it is my duty to have command of the Enterprise while the Captain is not able to._

oOo

Jim hadn't been brought to the mines. He'd been brought to the engineering department, and finally had an idea how he might be able to escape. He might have to blow up the whole place, though. But even if he didn't have as much knowledge with computers as Spock did, he still knew quite a bit, and certainly enough to blow them up or upload a virus. His permanent headache didn't help much but he tried to ignore it.  
A few days went in until his brother brought him to Kodos who was smiling at him: "The ship has left orbit. You are alone down here and I would advise you to cooperate with me. You'll be stuck here until the end of your days."  
_Spock! How could you leave me!_ His heart cried while his mind told him that Spock probably had gotten a mission and had to leave orbit. But he didn't say a word. Kodos didn't seem to expect an answer anyway and was pushing him on a chair: "Oh, Jimmy! You never learn. I am in charge here, and nothing you can do is gonna change that. Sam, get him back to work."  
Jim struggled to get free but weeks without proper food had made him too weak to be a match for his brother. He had his brother as a distraction, though, who seemed to have chosen that moment to tease him.  
"Jim! You realize, that it was your fault mother never stayed on earth for more than a month? You are too much like our father. Nobody likes you. I was always jealous when Frank beat you up. I wanted to do that myself."  
"I know what you all blame me for. That's why I left Iowa. I found my family elsewhere. They are my friends." answered Jim.  
"Like hell you have. You are barkeeper in a small town somewhere in the middle of nowhere, and when you get into trouble you run away. You always do. That's what you do best." Jim couldn't believe Sam hadn't seen the news. His fight with Nero had been on every News channel and a small part of his encounter with Khan had been as well. And he told him such.  
"Well, I don't watch TV. I have much better entertainment here."  
In that moment Kodos intervened, and told Jim he had a great idea what to do next. Jim didn't like the sound of it at all but all he could do was wait.

oOo

On their way to the starbase Spock sat on the Captain's chair when Uhura told him that someone on Tarsus IV wanted to speak with him.  
"Put it through to my personal quarters, and order McCoy to me, please," he answered, and was on his way.  
In his quarters he put the little screen on and saw the face of the man who claimed to be Kodos. But he was not alone. Jim was sitting on a chair in front of him, and a man was standing next to Jim.  
"You? What do you want?" he asked the man.  
"Well. For one thing I thought you want to see that this one", he pointed at Kirk, "is still alive. But he keeps trying to help people. I suppose he sent that little boy to you?"  
Spock nodded.  
"Don't worry about Kirk. His brother here will take good care for him." Kodos smiled a smile Spock didn't like at all and he could see that McCoy didn't either. But he didn't say a word and just stared at the other blond man.  
"Now that won't stop anybody from worrying. I can tell ye. He told me himself that he always wanted to do what Frank did." Everybody was surprised when Jim suddenly spoke up, but his words didn't make any sense for Spock and he wondered if his brain had suffered from the obvious malnourishment.  
"It was nice talking to you, Spock. I don't think we will see each other again." said Kodos finally with a mean smile.  
Then the screen went black, and Spock noticed for the first time that McCoy had understood what Jim had said. Spock suddenly realized that he was so worried about Jim, that he kept losing focus. _This has to stop. It keeps distracting me from doing my job._  
"Doctor. What did he mean?"  
"How much do you know about his childhood?" McCoy asked, looking uncomfortable. He obviously didn't want to talk about the subject.

"Not much. It wasn't easy being the son of George Kirk." answered Spock.  
"Well, that was the easiest part. His stepfather, Frank, loved to beat him and I god knows what else. I think that's, what he was referring to. Sam obviously always wanted to beat him, too, and now he has his chance. From what Jim told me his family never got over the fact that he is very much like his father. His mother was always off planet, and everybody blamed him for it. He was told his entire life, it was because she couldn't stand the sight of him. That's all I know."  
"Thank you, doctor. And he sent you that message why?" asked Spock.  
"I don't know. Maybe he wanted us to know what is going on on that planet. But I am sure he can take care of his brother. He fought off Nero and Khan, for god's sake. His brother can't be that big a problem. But I must get back to sickbay, Spock. Go on your mission and think of a way to get him back, when you find the time."  
"Doctor. You forget that Jim isn't in the best shape. He's been beaten, and he is malnourished from the look of it. Not to mention a lack of sleep. He may fight back but I doubt he can fight his brother off."  
"Are you the doctor now? But I won't give up on him and I suggest, you don't either." McCoy left the room and Spock was alone with his thoughts._ Oh, Jim, what have they done to you when you were too young to fight back? No wonder you fight off everyone who gets too close._

oOo

"You did send him a message, didn't you? You little piece of shit!" It took Jim a few seconds to focus on the question his brother had asked. He just nodded. Then Sam beat the crap out of him that he almost lost consciousness but that was nothing new to him. Frank had been the same way and how could Sam be any different with a stepfather like that? And Kodos wouldn't teach him that beating people up wouldn't get him anywhere. Jim wasn't sure why he had turned out to be different. Why he didn't beat people up (except in a bar fight, but then every party involved knew what they signed up for), just for the fun of it.  
"Sam, it's enough now. He still has to be able to work. You can guard over him, if you wish. I don't have enough guards down there anyway." Kodos interrupted, and both Sam and Jim knew where this was going. This was a free ticket for Sam to do with him whatever he wanted to do. In his current condition Jim couldn't even fight back. But maybe he didn't have to. All he had to do, was getting his hands on a computer, and manipulate the system.  
The next days weren't easy but there was a pattern of work, getting beaten, and being sent to his cell for a little sleep. It wasn't as much as he would have needed but it was enough to keep a clear head. It would have been, if it weren't for the headache that was getting worse and worse with every day, minute, hour; he didn't really know. All he knew was, that he had to get out of there, before he wouldn't be able to think straight anymore. The good thing was, that he had to work in different places every day so that he knew the mines very good at some point. One night he tried to sneak into the control room, but was caught by Kodos. To his great surprise Kodos didn't say anything. He just brought him back to his cell. Not that Jim gave up that easily. He never had. He tried it five times, and the fifth time he succeeded.  
Hacking the system wasn't difficult . After a short time he had found a way to program the system in a way that the whole mines would blow up the very time Kodos would hit any button. Nobody could blame him then, if there was anyone left to blame, that was. Silently he went back to his cell to wait when hell would brake lose. Luckily his cell was far away from the control room so that he had a chance of surviving, however slim that was. _Not that risking my life is a foreign or frightening idea for me. I've done that before. The idea isn't frightening after some close encounters with death._

oOo

When the Enterprise reached the Starbase they were surprised to see that there was already another Federation starship. Spock asked Uhura to hail it, and soon he spoke to the Captain of the ship.  
"Is the crisis so severe that they need two Starships to investigate?" he asked.  
"We don't know yet. But there are evidences that the children have been taken prisoner by a blond man who is suspected to have taken them to Tarsus IV." the captain answered.  
"The colony certainly has been brought back to life. But I did not see any children there. Our Captain called the man we met Kodos, and beamed down to save the ship when Kodos threatened to destroy us all. Then we got the order to go here while our captain is still down there. He seemed to know Kodos" explained Spock.  
"Who is your Captain?"  
"James T. Kirk"  
"Well, if someone can survive in the hell down there, It'll be him. I hope you wished him luck. That's the only thing that can help him."  
"What do you know about that colony?" asked Spock. He suspected that there was more to the story than the other Captain had said to him.  
"I was on the ship that rescued the survivors. Pretty scared children, and none of them ever made it out of a psychological care facility, except the oldest. But he never told us his name. I still have no idea what has become of him."

"The one whose name isn't shown in the files of the Tarsus 9?" Spock asked him.

"That's the one. What happened after your Captain beamed down?"

"We received a distress signal, and beamed up a Vulcan child, who was saved by the Captain. From what the boy told us, he was practically ordered to beam up and leave Ji... Caprain Kirk alone." _I really have to meditate. Such a slip mustn't happen. I wonder? Am I getting sick?_

When they reached Tarsus IV the readings showed them that a massive explosion had taken place. All the mines had crashed. They had found no life forms ye,t but Spock urged them to scan the planet until they found something. He was not willing to give up on Jim that easily. For once, McCoy agreed with him. So what one of them alone couldn't manage, together they convinced the crew that it was very likely that the Captain was still alive. Even though all of them had been there when Kirk had died after Khan's attack, some of them found it doubtful that Jim would cheat death a second time.  
It took them two days until they found three life forms. They decided to beam them all up. they could all be victims, after all. To their surprise the three turned out to be Sam Kirk, Kodos, and Jim, who had bruises all over him and looked like he didn't have anything to eat since Spock and Doctor McCoy had last seen him on the viewscreen. Spock also noticed that he was rubbing his head. _A side effect from the mind meld, no doubt._ That didn't stop Jim from grinning at Spock and McCoy who were in the transporter room.  
"Hi, Bones!" McCoy stared at him. He just couldn't believe that Jim sounded so confident. Like he had just come back from a very successful mission. Only Spock noticed that Jim wasn't as confident as he let everyone believe. Once security had brought Sam and Kodos to the brig it became clear to McCoy, too, that Jim was worn out. But before any of them could say anything Jim rushed off.

"Spock. Please get us to the starbase as soon as you can. We have to get them off the ship. Even if I don't know what happened, I can see that Jim is afraid. But he is not showing it to them. This will kill him, if they stay on board. I will go to Jim now. He needs medical care." said McCoy, and went after Jim.  
_He needs someone to hold on to_ thought Spock as he walked to the bridge, and he was almost sure that it wasn't Doctor McCoy Jim needed to hold on to. But McCoy was right about one thing: They had to get Sam and Kodos off the ship as soon as possible.

oOo

When Doctor McCoy arrived in Jim's quarters, Jim was lying on his bed, and stared at the ceiling. But he didn't protest when McCoy examined his injuries . If McCoy had needed any indication that something was wrong with Jim, that would have been it. Jim never let someone check after him without protesting. Not even his best friend

"Jim! What is bothering you?" he asked him.

"You must have read the files about Tarsus IV by now," Jim answered.

"I have. But what has that to do with you?" McCoy asked. At the same time a terrible suspicion came into his mind, and before Jim could answer the question, he asked him: "Are you the oldest survivor? The one whose name nobody knows? Talk to me, Jim, damnit!"

Jim just stared at him, but that was answer enough. Realizing that he wouldn't get anything out of Jim right now, McCoy left him alone, even if it was against his belief to let Jim alone with his thoughts. He didn't bring him to sickbay either. Jim wasn't so badly injured, which meant he could as well stay in his quarters. It was understandable that he wanted to be alone for a while. But as he left the Captain's quarters it occured to him that he couldn't grasp what it was like to survive something like Tarsus IV. The fact that Jim's own brother worked with Kodos didn't help to make Jim feel better. A family was supposed to help someone who had been in a situation like this, not make it worse. Now it was up to him to pick up the pieces Tarsus IV and Jim's own family had left behind. Little did he know that he wouldn't be the only one.

oOo

After McCoy had left Jim took on his uniform and went to the brig to visit Kodos and his brother. He wanted to see their faces when they saw that he really was a Starfleet Captain. To tell them that he was the one in power on this ship with 400 people there to do as he commanded. That should at least teach Sam a lesson, he hoped.  
"Sam, Kodos. In the name of the Federation you are taken under arrest. You will remain here until we have reached a starbase to hand you over to the authorities." he announced them.  
"You didn't lie then?" asked Sam. He sounded surprised, like he hadn't expected that his brother would follow the same career as his parents before him.  
"No. You should me know better than that. I do not lie. Not to you, anyway," Jim finally answered, trying hard not to show them how exhausted and worn out he was.  
"How could they promote the biggest waste of space of all time to the rank of a Captain? They must have lost their minds. You know what I wished for years?" Sam shouted at him, angry that for the first time in his life it was Jim who was better off, and that he was the one in trouble. That was a new experience to him. Jim had always been in trouble: first with their mother, then Frank, then Tarsus IV, and finally all his bar fights Jim had gotten into once he had been old enough to drink alcohol.  
Jim shrugged. Sam had wished many things to happen to him but he didn't know what he was referring to in that particular moment.  
"I wished, and still do, that you would have gone the same way as the car you drove over that cliff. But somehow you managed to jump out of it in time."  
That was enough for Jim: "You know what? I don't care if I am a waste of space and maybe that's why people always try to kill me. Maybe I am nothing but a burden to anyone. But I can live with that as long as you stay out of my sight." He wanted to say more but a strong hand held him on the shoulder, calming him somewhat, and Spock led him gently to his quarters.  
Once in his quarters he stared at Spock, and asked him: "Why did you do that?"  
"He hurt you."  
"He's been saying that for years. Most of the time it doesn't bother me. I don't know why it got to me like that today." Jim shrugged.  
"You haven't eaten in days. Thus you aren't in best shape. I heard that humans in a situation like that often lose their temper." Spock pushed him to his bed and sat next to him and added: "You know that you are anything but a waste of space. You are Captain of a Starship and you did great things."  
"Maybe I did. But what does that mean when nobody cares about the person James Kirk, Only about the Captain?" asked Jim.  
Suddenly Spock pulled him into his arms. Jim was too stunned to say anything and when he finally could it felt too good to say anything. He had the strange feeling that this was exactly how it should be. But he couldn't explain why or how this was even possible with Spock being vulcan, and not showing emotions, and so on.  
"I care about the person James Kirk. When you were on the planet I realized that I probably always have. Illogical as it may seem." answered Spock who could feel every bone in Jim's body. He would make sure Jim would get back to his old weight, and in this case he was sure that Doctor McCoy would give all the help he could give. They had to get their Captain back to normal.  
"Things like this never are logical." said Jim and returned the embrace. "Feels good to know that there is someone there for you. I never really had that. I learned that the only person I can trust is me. And me alone. You make me believe that there is at least one other person I can trust with my whole self."  
"You can." Spock said simply.  
Suddenly Jim's exhaustion took its toll and he fell into a deep sleep. Spock stayed for a while until he left Jim's quarters, promising himself that he would make sure of that nobody ever hurt him again like his own family had.

oOo

"Spock! What happened to Jim? He didn't show up for his final examination?" asked McCoy when he met Spock on his way to the bridge.  
"He is asleep. I would advise you to postpone the examination until he is fit. I have to go to the bridge now. In a few minutes we will arrive at the starbase and give Kodos, and Sam over to the authorities." answered Mr. Spock.  
"The sooner the better. It's getting more to Jim than he's letting on. Did he talk to you about Tarsus IV?"  
Spock shook his head: " I assumed he has talked with you."  
No, he hasn't. And I don't think he ever will." McCoy turned to go back to sickbay.  
On the bridge Spock talked to the authorities of the starbase who were willing to take Sam and Kodos into custody.  
Spock didn't tell Jim when Kodos and Sam were brought to the Starbase, and for once McCoy agreed with him. It would be difficult enough to deal with the aftermath of what had happened. But none of them was really prepared for what Jim finally told them when they both came to see him.  
"Now, Jim, I think it is finally time you tell us how it came that you stranded on Tarsus IV the first time. We want the full truth, kid." McCoy began.  
"I don't talk about this. And besides, you've read the records, both of you." Jim answered.  
Spock put his hands on Jim's shoulders and forced him to face him: "It is still hurting you, and your time down there has reopened some wounds. You can trust us. Nobody will hurt you while I am near you."

McCoy rolled his eyes, not believing what he was seeing. That icecube of a vulcan was in love with his best friend and said best friend seemed to love him back, judging the look in his eyes.  
"How do you know it was the second time, anyway?" Jim asked them, taking comfort in Spock's presence.

"We're not stupid. You obviously knew that Kodos, and after what I read in the files, and what he told the authorities on that starbase, it wasn't that difficult to put the pieces together," McCoy answered, sounding harsher than he had intended.  
"Fine. But it's not a nice story. And is beginning before Tarsus IV," Jim finally gave in, and told them how his stepfather had often beaten him, sometimes until he was unconscious, and how he had been abusive to both him and Sam. But while Sam had adopted his stepfather's habits Jim had fought back, and finally ran away when he was 14 only to get stranded on Tarsus IV what was better than what he had left behind at the beginning. But then he had started protecting people from Kodos, who punished him with beating or starving or both. "I don't really remember what happened after that Federation ship came. But after what seemed like ages I talked the Doctors in that healing facility into letting me go, because I felt trapped again, couldn't stand it anymore to be in a closed space and not being able to decide about my own life. I led a normal life until Pike found me in that bar after I had that fight with some cadets, and dared me to do better than my father. Told me I could settle for a less than ordinary life or I could become something special, and enlist in Starfleet. Not that my life was ever ordinary."  
McCoy stared at his friend and couldn't believe what he had just heard. Life must have been hell for Jim when nobody wanted him as a child. It was little wonder to him now that he didn't let anyone come close to him.  
Spock had held Jim close the whole time, and finally asked: "Why did you never say anything?"  
"Why should I? For once nobody would have been interested. They would have told me to just shut up, to be invisible. ' All you ever want is attention, Jimmy, but you won't get it from anyone. You're the reason your mother can't stand it to be on earth' was all they said whenever I wished for something. It was all forgotten until we were sent to Tarsus IV to investigate what was going on there." Jim answered.  
After McCoy had left the room, Jim turned to Spock and who still hold him close: "Promise me you will never make me tell that tale again, okay?"  
"Never. I will keep you save. You have suffered enough already." and then he kissed Jim. It was then that Jim realized that nothing had ever felt so right in his life and that he had finally found someone who would stick to him no matter what happened, someone he could trust with his heart, someone who was the other half of his soul. And he knew that it was the same for Spock.

oOo

A few days later they reached the Vulcan Colony, and brought the vulcan boy to his family who discovered that his mother had survived the destruction of Vulcan. He didn't have any psychological damage, thanks to his Vulcan physiology.

Jim was dragged to a Vulcan healer to check if there was any damage left from the mind meld, but as there wasn't anything wrong (his headaches had stopped days before, the reason for them being that neither he nor the boy had been used to a mind-meld) he soon went back to the Enterprise. Spock didn't leave his side for a second. Jim was glad for it, as he sometimes still woke from nightmares. But he knew with Spock at his side he could do anything. McCoy cared about him, too. He had found his family, a place where he belonged. Finally he had found his place in this world and a person who belonged right there at his side.


End file.
